Stoners: “I love NY” for $1000 please, Alex

Alex Trebek: “Sound of expelling a hairball or an Empire State soccer club”

Stoners: What is “NYAC”?

Alex: “CORRECT!”

No, I’m sorry, the answer is “who are Queen City FC”

Stoners play New York Athletic Club (NYAC) Sunday PROMPTLY at 8:10 PM at the Crum for the right to fight some other team at a date and time TBD.

NYAC is not just a soccer team, but NYAC is also the gym where Jerry Seinfeld works out.  No wait, thats New York Health Club.  Whatever, they are from Pelham NY, which incidentally, is also home of Sanborn Map Co.  Hooray for maps!

So on Friday night, we here at Penn’s Army reversed roles- I took over drumming duties and Jim handled flagging.  He did a decent enough job, although I’m sure my drumming annoyed some of those sitting around us.  Oddly enough, no one got up and left.  Most were embroiled in conversations about Joshua’s day camp or how Baby Hayley is teething.  Oh, and look, there’s a soccer game, too.  GO WHITE TEAM!

The Keith Moon of NPSL was in fine form Friday night

As someone said to me recently, either this league really sucks or the Stoners are a really good team.  I tend to think the latter.  Who would have imagined 8 months ago that the squad would be sitting all alone atop the NE division, having thoroughly dominated the competition in both their division and the Mid-Atlantic.  With one match remaining (@ Lancaster on the 15th), the boys will enter the playoffs with home-field advantage.  As a long-suffering Philadelphia sports fan, supporting a winning side seems a little alien to me.  I’m not sure how to react.

As for the match, for all the pre-season hype (whatever that means in NPSL) about Queen City being the ‘team to beat’, they have been anything but impressive.  They do have some players with individual talent, but as a team they were sloppy.  How they beat the A-League Rochester Rhinos, I’ll never know.  Like Buffalo, Rochester is also a strange place.  See my earlier post for some context.

As the match progressed, their frustration showed and they got pretty chippy.  The guy in the shorts on the bench, whom I think was the coach, whined to the refs all night.  It didn’t help, and in the end it was no contest - The Stoners prevailed 3-1.  Their supporters were a no-show as well, despite talk of “showing them how it’s done” on the QCFC boards.  In the end, I guess it’s a 7-hour drive to watch a losing NPSL side.  So the “O-Block” stays locked up for now.  HA!  I am so witty.

The rest of Friday evening was spent watching “Hellboy II”.  Awesome!  Go see that.

Mother nature intervened on behalf of Lancaster Inferno AGAIN and proved that lightning can strike twice, and it can be a good thing–the match was called 27 minutes in with the score knotted at 0, with our boys threatening, as always.

Inferno: “Thank you, Perkūnas, Lithuanian God of Lightning.”

Look for a replay of the first match July 15.  No telling when this one will be rescheduled. UPDATE: According to a vague reference on the Stoners website,  the match was a draw.  I have no official confirmation of this.

Head over to Morris County @ 5 today (July 5th) to watch the Stoners put on a clinic for the Colonials.  Hopefully, the hot dogs-to-hours ratio was fairly low yesterday.

Typical Stoner player enjoying the ritualized 4th of July tradition of overeating?

BEL AIR, MD - In another display of what witnesses described as “ugly”, the Stoners defeated Maryland Utd. 4-2 to improve their division leading record to 5-1.  The win is another in a growing list of decisive victories against division opponents since the infamous “Boston massacre” that saw the Stoners go down in a fluke 0-2 loss.

Despondent Maryland United fans

Authorities are now blaming an alarming upturn in incidents of moping throughout NPSL cities  on the assassins from Allentown.  (more…)

Where would we be without idioms? An idiom is a term or phrase whose meaning cannot be deduced from the literal definitions and the arrangement of its parts, but refers instead to a figurative meaning that is known only through common use.

For instance, if I were to say the Stoners cleaned Boston Aztec’s clock, well if it weren’t for idioms, you may indeed think that Aztec boarded a surplus East German-issue bus in Beverly, MA with timepieces in hand, spending a fortune on diesel and tolls, to arrive here in the pleasant confines of Crum Stadium and have said timepieces tidied up. (more…)

As you probably have not noticed, we’ve been away for a few weeks.  Open heart surgery here, eye surgery there.  Routine for an uptown-type of organization such as ours.  Lots of geezers with iron lungs and top hats and monocle’s and such.  Real high-class stuff.

…and according to folks in California, we can add Glaucoma to that list as well.

In the meantime, the squad traveled up to Boston and was squashed, and team President Ehrlich resigned. (more…)

If you happened to be in the crowd this past friday to see the Stoners take on Morris County Colonials, then you will understand the following quote:

Mongol General: What is best in life?
Conan the Barbarian: To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.

Not suprisingly, Conan is totally on the money here.  Plus he has a pretty sweet tooth necklace.  Never argue with a guy wearing a tooth necklace. (more…)

That’s pretty much what it was like. The view from the stands at J. Birney Crum looked uncannily like the Forest Moon of Endor. Minus the huge shield generator of course…and the Ewoks, although the pee-wee halftime match was a fair approximation. YUB NUB!

Maryland United? That’s nothing…try hangliding onto an AT-ST

The crowd was amazing–1,200 strong and vocal, especially the group of 10 year-old girls who put us to shame with their “LET’S GO STO-NERS!!” chant. Sure, there were the prototypical soccer-moms yelling “GO BLUE TEAM!”, but on the whole fans were knowledgeable and enthusiastic. (more…)

Tag line from a ’60s movie B-movie about square cops busting dirty hippies? Not really, unless Rumor Kitty is the cop and the Stoners are the…nevermind.

“We can’t thank <name withheld> enough for supporting…Stoners…we are so excited…for…the opportunity to showcase all of our local homegrown …”

-butchered quote taken totally out of context (link) (more…)

The Stoners are going to announce another sponsor in addition to Stooges in Allentown. Who will it be? Draw the curtains, dim the lights, gather around the crystal ball, and let’s see what Madam Ruby sees…

(more…)